When I was younger I travelled a lot with my parents. Flying was never an issue it was a means to an end.
When me and Adam first went on holiday together again I was fine loved it enjoyed the thrill of take off and landing.
Then we had Grace and we travelled to Rhodes. Everything changed with this flight.
There was slight turbulence nothing bad. And believe me I had been through terrible turbulence when we flew to Australia.
This was different though, I had my 6 month old daughter in my arms. She hadn’t asked to come on this flight, she hadn’t asked for the holiday. We had chosen to put her in this situation as we wanted the holiday. And all of a sudden I was flooded with a feeling of dread.
How would I get her off the plane in an emergency what if the plane landed in water? How could I tend to myself before her?
And from that flight my anxiety has progressively got worse.
This IS Reuben lol
I have tried to educate myself. I know that turbulence is harmless and that the chances of it bringing the plane down is extremely slim. I understand that planes can fly with one engine. I understand that take off and landing is the most dangerous part. However it is when we are in the air that it takes over me.
The thought of being all those thousand feet in the air helpless to keep my children safe terrifies me. Every single bump makes me tense every single muscle and my chest gets tighter and tighter.
If the flight crew are told to strap in inside im in a blind panic. There is no chance of sleep as I need to be aware of everything that’s going on.
I have thought of taking pills but again the feeling of not being aware of everything terrifies me even more.
I still however make myself get on a plane, as I love to travel love to see new places and the same places. Disney was a huge must do for us and we have now done it twice and have another trip booked October.
I have just been to Rhodes and honestly I’m getting the littlest bit better. As bad as it sounds alcohol helps its gives me a gentle buzz so gin and tonic was a must on the last flight.
A huge thing for me though is I can’t possible show my children that I have any fear. As the thought of them feeling anything that I feel makes me keep it inside. I don’t want them to ever not enjoy flying or feel in any danger at all.
Adam understands and puts up with my crazy thoughts. I have to have a plan in place. Who will take which child how we will get off in an emergency. I also have to busy myself with the kids. I have to do the toilet runs and make sure they have what they need.
Adam is a huge support but he asks if I’m ok a lot bless him and to be honest that just makes me re think about how not ok I am.
Distraction is key for me. In flight entertainment is amazing and a good film really really helps. Also a good book saved my flight home from Rhodes (Eve Of Man).
I’m not going to let my anxiety stop me because then its won and I don’t let things beat me. It is a struggle though and the knowing I’m going to feel like it makes the run up to holiday exhausting.
I’m so so excited for our next holiday I’m also really excited for unlimited drinks with BA
If you have any hints or tips please let me know what works for you.
Thanks for reading see you next time xx